U2 Can Play Guitar

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Music fans might recognize the two newest members of Fender’s Board of Directors. In an unprecedented move, Fender has brought The Edge and Bono from U2 to revitalize their company.

That reminds me:

Have you heard the one about the two members of  U2 who were asked to be on Fender’s Board of Directors?

One of them doesn’t even know how to play guitar!

…And the other one is named Bono.

Ha!

Eh.

I’m sad because they’re way more successful than me.

While I awkwardly applaud Fender’s efforts to be more in touch with the working musician, they could’ve picked some more progressive players. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that they should drag Yngwie Malmsteen out of whatever hole he’s hiding in and slap some credentials on him. That guy would be a disaster. But, there are plenty of Fender players who actually know how to play guitar and would probably actually have some good things to say.

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Not holding a grudge

 

It’s not like they have any shortage of killer artists in their roster who would’ve been a better fit. I know that it’s a habit of the music world to try and ignore Jeff Beck and Eric Johnson. But, they both can play their asses off and they know good tone. Of course, that would mean that the world would have to recognize Jeff Beck as an amazing guitar player instead of banishing him to relative obscurity while continuing to worship the WAY LESS TALENTED GUITAR PLAYERS THAT CAME FROM THE YARDBIRDS!!!!!!

 

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But, there is one thing that Fender could’ve done to show that they have the mighty balls to dominate the industry once again.

 

Iron Freaking Maiden! 

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Nothing would’ve said “balls-to-the-wall awesome” more than bringing on Iron Maiden on board on the board. I’m not talking just Steve Harris or Dave Murray. No! I’m talking the whole goddamn band! Bruce Dickinson might not know shit about guitars, but he’d still be way more awesome that Bono. At least Bruce Dickinson can fly a freaking plane!

Yngwie-Malmsteen

Pictured: Elvis

 

 

While I’m sure that any decisions that come from the minds of The Edge or Bono couldn’t be any worse than dragging Yngwie Malmsteen out of whatever cave he’s been hiding in, bringing U2 into the mix seems like nothing more than a blatant publicity scheme. At a time when everybody is looking to Fender to see what they’re going to do next, this move seems rather week.

 

 

 

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About the Author: Marc published his first novel Becoming in 2010. It’s a kick-ass book with monsters and dreams and stuff, and you should buy it. Since then, he’s written thousands of articles for TheToneKing.com, many of which have been picked up for circulation by manufacturers and other news outlets. His next book, Drugs and Pancakes, should be available early 2014 if his alcoholic editor can find time to work on it in-between destroying his liver and screaming about punctuation. He graduated from Roosevelt University with honors, which means that he’s not as dumb as he looks. He’s been playing guitar for over 25 years, which is almost twice as long as most of his students have been alive.

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